Author's Preface
A relatively brief and simple read to fly your way through, and one my wife had to convince me to draft in the first place. It took her a great deal of trouble, too. It was a particular joke I had in mind that she would not simply shut up and let me give up. I suppose it is now up to you, my reader, to enjoy it too. I present my expert take on a number of figures, historical and current, I think every Ilian should know about.
~ V.R.
(The joke was including myself as an entry and saying nothing of substance.)
Delight you now in the fruits of my travels and research:
The Second Edition of a Pamphlet I Imagine I Will Happily Update Even in my Latest Years of Life.
Adalla Farfaine
The current Mayor of Maih, who is never busy and always makes time when myself and my wife feel inclined to visit. She brews a fantastic mead in a crawlspace beneath her mountain home, and I recommend it to anyone with the ability to travel there and greet her.
Backbone and Guile
A pair of entertainers who are doing their best to stay relevant past their golden age that would have been current with such events as Linus Imm's purchase from Emberlyn. Their gimmick is good and well thought out. Guile never speaks, and Backbone must be the voice of them both on stage. However, most everyone is familiar with their repertoire, and their attempts to write new stuff for a modern audience does rather immediately highlight their age.
Bathsheba Sugarpossum
Currently one of the business leaders of the Eylesbreach rugby team Bornie Treasures. She is an alumnus of the Band-O'-Bandos, a rival team from Bitaklemm, making her hire a controversial one. She has been making many changes to their operations and reach, including the decision to open a sports jewelry store in Firkanthot, but she assures fans she is committed to the brand and the team, having moved to Eylesborne when she married and being quick to mention her daughters were both Rugby Rubies.
Captain Tolson
An enemy of mine whose name shall not be lost to history. A bit of a product of unfortunate circumstance, he came into command of a seafaring vessel just when its intended mission seemed to become obsolete. Ever the damnable opportunist, he repurposed the ship and crew to study the tides in collaboration with Astronomie Juliadull. And I regret to admit how unfortunately successful his little rebrand was for him and the crew that went with him. My history with him, though, starts in our youth. We both competed for a spot on the Wheanbay Packers that opened suddenly. He won, and I will hold onto the bitterness that followed to my grave.
Dolt Holbrook
The last Beaumercy leader to come of the Holbrook family from New Ashenfire and the person I believe should be credited with the invention of chromatelegraphy. Veritas Vox visited six times during Dolt's command of the Trapsands watch, and after Dolt's retirement even visited the family and presented them with a medal of 'service and innovation' in private. Most historians are quick to dismiss this evidence, as Dolt also called for a new regulatory standard for ilianharmonious organizations like the Beaumercy during the rule of Vox. They are quick to point out that the medal was certainly related to the new laws of the second accords, which included such standards and were ratified just days before Vox visited the Holbrooks and presented the unique award. But I am stuck believing much more must have been going on with the family of mysterious ilianharmonious mages than just demands for a well defined process for government oversight.
Dulken Vasthe
For the last century and three quarters, they have been the librarian at the Verdantial Library of Science and Commerce. In that time, the library has grown massively and pioneered many new lending programs and modalities, including dedicating a twenty-six hour workdesk to taking requests by telegraph and delivering them anywhere on Verdantia or the two neighboring mainlands as well as Avaloch and the Verdora Towneship. They are perhaps the best librarian this world has ever known, and are still relatively young for a drow elf only just recently turning three hundred. Their career and the exciting new things from their library are certainly worth keeping one's eyes on every now and again.
Francine Smormon
A vocal advocate of wildlife preservation within Laknoits and perhaps the only lifelong advocate against the destruction of Aurorin Cay in the name of an antique treasure hunt. I first learned of her on a trip to experience the desolate wilderness of Aurorin, in truth, my honeymoon, when myself and my wife accidentally hiked to a ruined Laknoits temple turned into a museum, called the Smormon Temple. The curator, an orc named Savendorf, had renamed the site in her honor and does his best to keep her story alive. The museum is a delightful experience, and it convinced me to do what I can to keep Smormon's name and story alive in this book.
Gilea
Missing mage, oh mistress of peppercorns. Piperales Academy and peppercorn magic have had an exceptionally difficult history. But the wizard Gilea of Deulemire seemed eager to repeatedly bail them out when money and morale were at their lower points. From her tower at Seasborel she seemed a decent fan of peppercorns, though no exploratory expeditions past her disappearance have ever found containers of peppercorns from Olepep or any books on the subject. Which is perplexing. What survives of personal library of magical tomes on history and spellcraft is vast. She was truly one of the greatest when it came to the artful use of powerful magic. A number of Gilea's spells are rumored to survive, though neither myself or my wife have met a professor at any academy of magic willing to confirm the rumors to us.
Gull Tarnell
Once a man of war, his soul famously called him to farm flowers instead. His act of listening to that peaceful and sentimental soul created one of the most beautiful and active islands today. We could all learn something from his story, though I personally find him a bit sedentary for my liking.
Hartvane
The forgotten captain of a forgotten ship. The same ship, whose name I cannot find anywhere, that rescued what survived of a Lyndrake Expanse voyage by Plea's Clarion. Also, an ancestor of my wife, and therefore a name I would rather not see forgotten.
Jaffey Mire
The story of Jaffey Mire is the story that ended TKP's early monopoly on the idea and format of the reality chronicles. Jaffey starred in the first chronicle ever told by TKP's chief rival Real Life Wow Stories, a three-volume miniseries about a young Jaffey going on a dare trip to Ackrom, a popular haunt destination. I have not been able to track down more than a weathered old title page of volume two of Jaffey's Jitters. He is much older now, and lives in Foler.
King Diamondsfall
Not his real name, of course, but a nickname so popular even I don't know what lies beneath it. He is a noteworthy tiefling chef from Ghouley, bringing Emberlynnie flavor and technique learned at home to a strong Ebonreacher tradition, and his signature chicken pastor sandwich at Crust Trust is second only to my own masterpiece there.
Klast Ironsbell
The sniveling little shit from Vadd who claims to have stolen a large boulder and with it the identity of Rockport. I've visited Old Gone Rock, and even the depressing stories and rumors of the place don't do justice just how flat the culture is. I venture to claim that the rock made Rockport livelier, and so I curse the name Klast Ironsbell for taking what older accounts will tell was a vibrant and beautiful place from us all. My wife and I couldn't avoid the travel through there from Bornaclay on our way to Marisse. We both struggle to enjoy eating on sailing vessels, but we truly deplored to set our legs on land and our behinds in chairs to sample the sorry excuses for Ebonreacher food served there.
Linus Imm
A crafter and boat enthusiast who came from old money and managed to make the history books with it. A rather impressive life, and for a figure of her status I am a little bit surprised to have scoured documents and anecdotes and found literal nothing in the way of negative opinion or remarks. A life well lived, and apparently one well loved, too.
Nexspy Culperbaxx
The Mayor of Hocus who oversaw the drafting and construction at Locust's Focus and, indeed, began the idea of the public library worldwide. Her mind for systems, logistics, and organization was extraordinary, and libraries even today make use of the Culperbaxx Alphanumeric Plaque-and-Stacks system of cataloguing and displaying their books.
Oteyanesysa
A cooking oil peddler from Rahsteiha who made it big when the big news story broke that they dropped a bottle of oil at an indoor vendors' market and broke it during a visit by members of the Ilian Public Senate to Clag. They got the glass cleaned up quickly enough, but failed to attend to their sunflower oil in time. A senator slipped and injured their wrist, but at least the senator was not well liked locally in Serenova. To this day, the people of Serenova have set up an Oteyanesysa shop that sells oils from Rahsteiha, and gives away imported sunflower oil for free.
Queen Surtha
A misunderstood figure, especially by those who know the story of Taena's Villa. The palace aide Taena was not running from Surtha, but from her own thefts. She was not discovered by the crew of The Sultry Sealab, as the story goes, but a subordinate to the ship's thieving captain, Miszatsanna. Many prize Ebonreacher artifacts are discovered on archeological digs at Taennya Atoll even today for it. Taena and Miszatsanna were part of a ring smuggling riches and with probable ties to Verdantia. Queen Surtha's record details her as an otherwise merciful and measured leader of Ebonreach. She and Taena serve a powerful reminder to read history critically and carefully. There are all sorts of accounts from all sorts of strange perspectives floating around out there.
Rock Hawk
An aarakocra and the world's first and only three-time champion of the Island Fighting League. My wife was a fan back when he was still in Steel League, but it wasn't until I attended a recent match in person in which he pummeled a minotaur fellow two or three times his size that I was good and truly convinced. We went and purchased a Hawk hat for me on our way out of the match, and it sits on the bookshelf next to me as I draft these words.
Roderick Irvane
A celebrity chef known for the TKP Chronicle Restaurant Infernal. He was born and trained in New Newashenfire, and, speaking as someone who has had his food before, he sure cooks like it.
Rooke Cherade
Her story is important, and I have written about her extensively. She was a hero we must never forget.
Sage Akrostheebai
What myself and my wife believe to be a wrongfully accused hero. Nowadays, his grandchild Sinn gets all the fame for starting a damned city. But rumors about Sage Akrostheebai seem to contradict one another and fail to make much of any sense at all. My opinion is that he was a good leader brought down by some powerful assholes. How's that for a conspiracy?
Sam Mahrksey
Sam Mahrksey was everyone's favorite shrimp girl, even when people didn't know they had a favorite shrimp girl. She cared passionately about her shrimp research on Thao Atoll and fought very hard for the rights and protections of the shrimp and those who studied them. When funds froze on the construction of the Mahrksey Tower Dock, the story goes that she stormed off from the Mahrksey Camp to continue building things with her bare hands. She refused help and went on a sort of labor-and-progress-out-of-spite strike until, as she so poetically put it, "those fuckers at Avaloch can figure out the grant situation to pay anybody but me to help out with this project." Within fifteen days, the financial situation was sorted. The labor from just over a week was very hard on her body, she reported later in life, but to have convinced Avaloch to figure anything out in under fifty days is an achievement that should earn shrimp girl a place in our hearts until the next big thing to come and replace Avaloch or the idea of a public senate.
Taofe B. Ulfell
One of my wife's ex-lovers and the current Mayor of Mallay. We are very good friends, and I am writing her name down preemptively in the hopes that myself and my wife will one day finally convince her to look beyond her hometown or even the people of Dalas. We want her to be a senator someday. We just know she'll go down in history for the wonderful ideas she will take to Avaloch.
Uhlig Van Der Snoss
A bard who should have gone into singing rather than shopping. His rather suggestive rendition of the Ebonreacher classic 'Teakettle for Two' at my wife's one hundred and sixty-seventh birthday celebration had us all in hysterics for the words almost as strong as our awe at his large and confident voice. I wish I could deliver his same praises for his taste in home decorations when advising others on what to buy at the Comfort Eagle. Were it not for my friendship with him, I might be tempted to cut his metaphorical throat and improve the overall quality of opinion in Home and You!
Victor Baptiste
A fighting champion of Firkanthot and devoted father to a Cousin of Eldath. His wife, Rachelle, was killed in a bloody gang brawl among sports fans on Eylesborne. He is known for his works to follow this tragic event in his personal life. He was discouraged by the brutal feedback loop between needlessly violent fighters and similar levels of barbarism among their fans, whose viciousness seemed to push the fighters to behave the worse for it. So he retired from fighting life, to train future generations to fight to compete rather than to maim, to embrace peace in spectators, and to care for the culture of IFL fighting. The five IFL tenets as we know them were only written and signed in the first place because Victor pushed so hard for it to be so. When he was not training the next, better-mannered generation, he was managing the Temple to Eldath, a mission that he took to so fully as to earn him parenthood over a Cousin of this generation, or so I have learned reading up on some of my own favorite IFL fighters that trained with Victor. The little one apparently attended training gymnasiums quite frequently.
Your Esteemed Author, V.R.
No, no! Naughty reader! You'll not fracture my anonymity or so easily stumble into the details of my identity or affairs just for your brilliant taste in guidebook authorship. But pray, admit, I did get you good, I did!
Your Esteemed Author's Wife, J.
Only the sexiest and wisest wood elf sorceress that will ever grace the entirety of the universe, I am certain of it! Her magic is certainly not the only wild thing about her, and she is perhaps the only person in this world capable of motivating and supporting me to improve my vision of myself as a person. I love you, J. So very much. P.S. I am recording mentally that I would like to write you into this the second edition of my people and figures pamphlet as I watch you disrobing before one of your fifth-day-of-the-week baths. So know that as these words were transferred from mind to parchment I was conjuring mental images of your ample, but firm, breasts. May they continue to bring us so much joy forevermore.
Zax Frey
A famous glass artist and the original host of the glass expo at Marisse. Myself and my wife own several of their pieces. In fact, a candleholder designed to look like an ocean wave was the first gift she ever bought for me.